The grief after a breakup is devastating, especially when you feel like months are passing by and you are still not over your ex. Being stuck in an emotional state without seeing any signs of moving on is heartbreaking.
When you date someone you love, even after breaking up, you will think of your good times together. You will randomly catch yourself wondering about them or what they are doing.
When people around talk about them, or you cross paths together, you will get a rush of different emotions like feeling butterflies, getting angry, and emotional. Having such feelings means you are still stuck in your breakup phase.
This article will discuss how long it takes to get over a breakup calculator in detail. How do you overcome the breakup emotions? And factors that affect the breakup recovery time.Â
Breakup Calculator- How long to get over a breakup
To estimate how long it will take to get over a breakup, consider all the factors mentioned below while calculating. The tool includes the elements that will give you an individual estimate of the recovery time.
Instructions
- Assign a value ranging between 1 and 10 according to the length of your relationship (1 for short and 10 for long).
- Assign a value between 1 to 10 for the intensity of the relationships (1 minimal attachment and 10 strong deep attachments).
- Assign a value from 1 to 10 for the reason of breakup (1 for the mutual agreement and 10 for the betrayal)
- Assign a value between 1 and 10 for the level of your support system from friends and family. (1 for no support and 10 for having the most robust support system around you).
- Assign a value of 1 to 10 for personal resilience (1 for poor coping skills and 10 for high resilience and coping skills).
- In the end, add all these numbers and divide them by 5 to get your average number. The average score will represent the months it will take to recover from a breakup.
How to get over a breakup? Breakup calculator
Here are a few effective ways to get over a breakup:
1. Give yourself three months to heal
Studies show that people start feeling better around three months after their breakup. Another study evaluates that around 155 undergraduates who have been through a breakup in the last six months claim they start feeling better within the 11-week mark.
On the other hand, it’s understandable that divorces need a little more time to get better. It takes 17 to 18 months for an individual to get regular and move on with their life.
However, that is not a fixed timeline and varies from person to person, depending upon their experiences. Besides, there are better decisions than giving yourself a recovery date.
2. Avoid giving yourself a deadline.
Pop culture is rich in many equations for moving on after a breakup. For example, according to the oft-cited theory, moving on in life takes around half as long as the relationship lasts. Many wonder or wish for accuracy, but the truth is far more than a generalized equation.
Every individual timeline depends upon their unique personality and their situation. So, there are better things to do than giving yourself a general timeline. Healing from a breakup is not less than grieving after a loss.
Many people match the grief of losing your loved one in a breakup to grieving over a loved one in death. Time is the best healer when you go through various emotions like anger, hurt, and happiness. All these emotions will help you in the healing process.
3. Allow yourself to let go.
Accepting that it’s okay to feel happy or sorrowful while healing is essential to heal yourself after a breakup. Doing so will keep you from getting stuck in the past, but move on with the advancing world. It’s an essential part of mindfulness that lets the feelings and thoughts pass without judgment.
According to the experts, letting go of the high expectations and feeling grief after the breakup without judgment will allow you to feel much better.
4. Know the reason that hurts.
Heartbreak after a breakup is a physiological experience affecting our body and mind. It hurts as we know that the emotional and physical pain comes from the same place in our brain.
Falling in love releases many neurotransmitters, dopamine, oxytocin, or epinephrine, in our body. These feel-good chemicals drastically drop at the end of the relationship, causing the brain to act like you are on a withdrawal after the drug addiction.
That’s a significant change for a body, so try to be happy doing things you enjoy.
5. Personal history affects the recovery time.
In reality, the ending of a relationship will be very different for every individual. Besides other life experiences, traumas or people around you will all impact your life.
Your attachment style with other people, your upbringing, and your past relationships will all impact the recovery time after a breakup. The phase you are going through is unique for everybody, so never compare your timeline with others.Â
You can heal way quicker or slower than the person next to you.Â
Also read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship?
Factors affecting breakup recovery time
Here are the few factors that affect the recovery time of your relationship:
1. Depth of the relationship
The relationship depth matters a lot regarding the recovery time after a breakup. Because being deep in love with someone will make you have strong emotional feelings for them, getting over these feelings in a short time will not be an easy thing to do.
2. Length of the relationship
According to the general rule, the longer the relationship is, the more time it will take to get over the breakup. The main reason is that you will have more time to build memories with your ex-partner. The longer you spend with a person, the more you feel attracted to them.
3. Personal resilienceÂ
Having a solid or weak coping mechanism can describe how fast you will be able to get over the breakup. The strong coping mechanism will help you heal quicker and move on with your life. Unfortunately, this factor can also be different for people depending upon their personality traits and experiences in life.
4. Reasons behind the breakup
The reasons why you broke up can also affect your recovery time. If the breakup was due to cheating or betrayal, it might take much longer to trust someone again with your life. Such situations make it challenging to forgive our exes and move on with our lives.
5. Support level
Having a supportive family or friends in your life is no less than a blessing. It’s also a significant factor in determining how long it will take to get over your ex-partner. They will constantly give you reasons to smile and find positivity. In short, such supportive people are all you need to overcome the trauma immediately.
Conclusion
As you want to get together after a breakup, you might wonder how long it takes to get over a breakup. Unfortunately, there is no fixed answer to that. You may need time to recover from certain relationships that last longer and hold special meaning to your heart.
Sometimes, people take shorter than they thought to get over these feelings. But in the end, time is the best medicine to heal all wounds.
Evelyn Smith is a professional couple therapist. She has worked with families and couples for more than 14 years as a professional. Her work focuses on helping families, and young couples rediscover the joy of being together. She believes every couple can transform their relationship into a healthier one through wholehearted actions. The purposeful actions deepen the ties and resolve every conflict.